Barroom thoughts…

Sexual adventures, what the fuck are they?!? Being disabled has changed my view on a lot of things…15 plus years is nearly half my life, at thirty two. I have seen and experienced more than many ever will. But it’s okay, in fact, it’s fucking phenomenal! I love life and all the intricacies and heartaches it includes! I know that now is all there is and all that will ever be. Reality is an illusion brought to bear from ordered chaos, another level of chaos….a fucking joke! 

Laughter is key, in everything. Sex is important. The shunned and deprived virility, of the disabled loveless, drives one down crazy mental avenues that have been brought to heel. Choked down, pushed beneath….though boiling beneath the surface.

A voice I have, though tact I lack…. Grew up to fast, I didn’t have a choice….death or life. Grew up and lived, to find that I am without but with so very much more.  I am so much more than ever I could have been. Perhaps, PERHAPS, one day….a woman might see me for who I really am.

I need to find a coast, I need to get away from this closed minded, Midwest cess pool of stagnant ideology! This place of a Dreamscape that never existed, that was nothing more than a painted political landscape. Fuck me, I feel alive! Alive with a fervent desire to flee this bullshit hole where intelligence is denounced and differences are shunned. 

Europe.

I feel so alone, all the fucking time… I put on a good show though for I know I am an inspiration. Call it a sacrifice…

Oh and I know people have nice things to say about me, I’m fucking awesome…but I am alone, I am the guy who will drop anything to help a friend….no reciprocation. I know many people are alone but I am doubly so, experience and the fact that no women can deal with the fact that I am not the prescribed “man”.. I am and have been unable to share myself with anyone, apart from vicarious leechings through my writings. I am alone, it is all I know, all I may ever know. That is fine, that is life….Le sigh et c’est la vie.

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