you know, I am baked as fuck right now but thinking oh so “clearly”… I am going to talk to you with no attitude, no snarky comment oor paragraphs.
You know I love you, maybe that is my problem… you do not know what love is, as clearly stated in my poem and our past conversations. I know what love is and know that I do love you. That is the only reason I am even talking to you to be honest. I am intelligent, highly intelligent. i know everyone I know would tell me I am a dumbass for even talking to you still. Especially with how you hurt me, the first time I had let my guard down in two years… and you regularly hurt me because you are being very cowardly and do not want to face tough decisions. Like is he the one? if he is the one, am I the lady to be his one? But what of these fatasy guys that are everything I want my man to look like, but they lack that spiritual quality… that chi connection… the energy? I am talking the emotional cosmic energy, not brain washing bull shit.
I am so high right now… it has gotten progressively worse as this little “whatever the hell I am” monologue continues. I love you, I do… is it stupid for me to be here stating that? probably, yeah… Do you really want to be with a blond, disabled, former star whose star took a different path, who is the most amazing man you have never met and know quite well or or do you want to follow your physical lusts and lose yourself in the shallow decay pf a deadened spirituality?
I am at an amazing high and I am hearing myself tell myself’s self that I am here on this planet to broaden the spirituality of everyone… Everyone in American society is encouraged to become absorbed in the ego, the base/primal state… a living hell. That is what Jesus and Buddha and Confuscious… well maybe not him but whatever. Maybe they, being spiritual guides, were telling us that hell is the present situation in the world.
The hell we live in is an encouraging egoistic state where there is no end to the misery because we are the misery… Earth is a heavenly body, the mother of all bodies. Every atom in our bodies was once part of the earth, biological organisms we are, we need to get out of this egoistic and destructive nature we have bound ourselves in and and learn to coexist with everything… life is a part of death and death is a part of ;life.
Energy, Every thing is made of energy…. the thoughts I am sending out to various peoples… thoughts of comfort, thoughts to have good dreams, etc etc. every physical thing, every thought, every emotion, every pointed thought. Everything, on the subatomic llevel is made of puire, unaltered energy!
That is kind of an oxymoron… me sitting here talking about subatomic energy being altered…. energy can not be created or destroyed it only changes form. Like right now… th high is reaching it’s zenith… and I am swimming, oh shit!!! Get that man away from the keyboard! He may be borderline adaptable genius, he may be one hell of a survivor… I lost where I was going with that.. it just slipped right out there.. *PLOOP* it is gone!
My acident was the beginning of my spiritual awakening… I began, while my brain was healing and still that comparable to a child, was absorbed in the ego-driven “moral guide” (somehow those are just two conflicting ideas… morals and religion??? very counter productive… seeing that the main reason for life is for the energy, I have been talking about,has gained the ability to be aware of itself….
I feel fucking amazing! My fingers are just flying over the keyboard and I hunt and peck with my pointers… I gotta be doing 50+ words a minute… holy shit! lol I am focused!
Thoughts are flowing and this “whatever the hell I a,m” is a record of the randpom shit going through my head, allk of the time… all morning, akl afternoon, all evening, all night.. four quadrants… four pillars of life
Earth, air, wind, fire… all four vital to life, all four vital to perform biological functions. (I just erased a sentence i had been working on for 8 minutes… why did I do sometihng like that?)
*cue music* It’s like this or like that…
it’s like this or like that…*cue inding down outro*
And gimme a one, one one do I hear a two twp two, whos gonna gimme two two two, sir with the green neckerchief has two two two… interesting choice of wardrobe two two two, we got three three three man in the lavender track suit three three who’s gonna gimme four four four can I hear a four four four going once, going twice, and sold!! To the man in the lavender jumpsuit, yes that’s right i said lavender… -auctineer goes darth vader low/slow- LAVEnDER.
My mind astounds my unconscious self.. my unconscious self is my boring self, my everyday banal, bullshit life. that shit gets old, very fast. I mean, I am a pretty funny, exciting and life affirming guy. Energy, passion, zest, it all flows from the inside! People wonder why I am so happy and why I am such an amazingly positive force. I am a being in line and part of the next stage of consciousness bridging the gap of the Expected “heaven”. I am living in heaven and hell, being a part of both worlds… a spiritual guide. That is what I am, I would be a shaman in South America… a priest in the neolithic era, and the other pre-ego eras.
I wonder, could this be my first book? “Ramblings of a Stoned Intellectual … Did I just go through the naming eureka in word… whoa Kyle whoa… WHOA!!! The cart is way before the buggy there… lol. That was a bit of forced humor… nothing I found truly funny but thought it might get a chuckle out of less humorously advanced.
Like I said, I am high… That is not me being arrogant, talking about the humorously impaired or less advantaged. I am an interesting fellow and I am a big fan of peanut butter… and honey! Sometimes I have them together, on a sandwich… sometimes apart, sometimes alone. You know, honey is an anti-viral and is very beneficial to human health.
We have to unite, become aware and change this every growing, egoistic mayhem and hell we have made this earth. Humans have been around the earth for about 100K years as Homo-Sapiens… is hell on earth just a fear mongering tool used to deaden and depress people, have them living in fear because if they knew the truth.. they would wake up, they would stop.. everything would stop.
Just imagine that…. if there was a consciousness switch, like turning on a light… actually, I think that is what it is. I (we) have to help people flip see things fro what they are and ultimately find their switch… Only you can flip the switch, each and every one of you *points accusingly… jokingly* Stop looking for the external triggers, there are none. What you seek cannot be gotten or received, physically. Physical is Metaphysical’s little brother, always trying to find or compare but always falling short. Oxytocin, sex, lust, physical yearning… that is the body’s Physical playground… the little brother… the proverbial “hellion”. Metaphysical is the gateway to heaven.
The Kingdom of Heaven is being aware of conscious energy. I am, as I said earlier, bridging the gap between heaven and hell… trying to invite a world plagued with darkness. Holy shit, I am blue! My energy is blue… but It was a horse of a different color as I helped my other friend last December… I put a protective bubble around her and it p[used light pink… hmmmmmm, has this very fine indica blend found my DMT center, my pineal gland? I am feeling a sense of that spiritual moment last year.. holy shit, I just realized that was a real spiritual moment! Awareness… = ) My brain is now starting to back og and fiond out if their were any other such moments… now that I know what ot is..
There is a reason they call DMT the spirit molecule.. “the god molecule” (wow, in my brain, I just walked through the front part of a Big Lots store) the reason is, it is the gateway molecule to spirituality. People tripping on DMT are the reason people “feel” god during religious services… Religious services started out as community hookahs, that is why they were so very much revered… this is what religion is supposed to be… experiencing consciousness together, as a community of harmonious energy. Everyone experiencing something similar to what I am right now