Thoughts: 9/1/2017

My life has been an ever evolving tapestry of ups and downs, growth and pain. Through all of this, I find that I have gone through certain shifts and have arrived to my inner nirvana.

When younger, pre-accident and the first few years of post accident trauma, I was very much an extrovert by choice and requirement. Even the Myer-Briggs said I was an ENFP time and again.

I saw myself in my late twenties becoming more of an ambivert and valuing more time alone. Or because I was in denial about my introversion, still clinging to an identity to which I no longer belonged. Any Myer-Briggs I would take came out INTJ.

I realize you can actually choose to which personality trait you desire by what identity you cling to…seriously, if you’re aware enough, the Myer-Briggs test is complete bullshit.

I am an introvert, much preferring to be alone and wanting nada to do with bullshit drama of the majority of humans. I lived alone for 11 years and recently moved in with a roommate. I am fine with it, we interact about as much as when I lived alone. It is just easier on both of us financially.

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#379

Approaching Pitch Black

Drums, taps in distance sound

Closer, closer 'til just at window

Uniforms jungle fresh with new boots around

Scapegoat of sunk ship won

Battle of none worth a damn

Stares longingly at set of sun

Drinks last rays of survival's light

Swell of doom in hands of clowns

One is foolish to fear the night

Energetic value weighs in end

Careless egos crash to doom

What life is, will begin again

 

#378

Catching Star Light

Used to think there was a thing wrong 

With residual after effects 

Truth was a premature maturity 

Standards high, presence vibrations above

Masses, that hang low fruit 

Egoism part not played

Unknown and lost in maturity's birth, growth

Uncanny, naturally, sapient

Humans before humans humaned

Way known, paths shown

Through thoughts;

Through glimmering light

Pineal fire

#377

Blessed Injury

Time has come and truth is seen 

Fucked and whored since but a tween

Man wants no part as he’s seen shit

Of different sort and wants none of it

Painful hell, elapsed benefit in disguise 

Best of best seen lesser in counter eyes

Bullshit system, manipulation run amuck 

For the longest time, lamented being stuck

Or so it seemed, married not nor never hence

Forth…for known is truth, that it makes no sense

But for feminine gain, “independent” ones

To live off sweat of what others have done

Stretches, yawns, greats daylight arrival

Life is grandest when not fought for daily survival

#376

Owner

Go way not seen by most

Go way thought lost By those

Who lack sight to see

Paradigm shift of society

Smiles alive as carries forth

Not to fall prey, to know true worth 

True independence be achieved 

Wholly alone, not cruelly deceived 

#375

Bug’s Playground 

The joy is in the journey 

Father son, granddaughter niece playground taken

Apart, repaired, rebuilt with love

Weeks long affair, a joyous enterprise 

Excitement in journey becomes joy

For next day arrival.

Memories to hold and cherish, decades hence

#374

Why Good Men Gone

Gone the days of youth

Fun had, fucks bad and good a plenty

Wall struck, face first 

Bewilderment marks face shocked by real

Fertility wanes as value plummets 

Responsibility skirted for woman card play

I have a vagina! I have a vagina! 

Woman card fades fast or faster 

Oblivious acting, same always engendered 

Privilege had, taken for granted

Where have all the good men gone?

There remains as attraction wanes

No longer slutground play

Life is real, welcome to it.